First year missionary

      It is surreal to think that I have been in country, as a missionary, for one year already. In many ways I feel as though I just arrived, and in many others, it is almost as if I was always here. God has been so good to teach me so much in this year and I would like to take moment and share just a few of my thoughts. 

    I remember on deputation, particularly towards the end, I had several pastors and church people ask the question, 

‘ What do you foresee being your greatest difficulty on the field?’

    Well, to be frank, it was never something that crossed my mind all that often. Sure, I wasn’t naive to think I would have no troubles, but all of the things that ‘other people’ struggled with when they arrived on the field, I surely would not. After all, I had done language school already. I grew up with a very broad sense of culture due to living on the mission field. I had lived on my own already. My parents were missionaries…etc. In hindsight, I guess I thought I was bulletproof. I am not.    

    There were many things that were difficult, but I would like to mainly talk about three, just as a means to help you pray and continue to pray for your missionaries as they arrive on and serve on their fields. 

‘I went to language school’ It was one of my favorite things to say on deputation. For some reason I felt as though it gave me some kind of credibility. I don’t know that I would say I thought it made me better, but I definitely felt like it helped people have faith in my determination. To this day, it is something I am incredibly grateful for as it certainly facilitated a great deal of my arrival. However, that does not mean it was a seamless transition. As far as language goes, I was terrified to open my mouth. At church, in the store, in a group, one on one, none of it mattered, I was absolutely terrified to speak Portuguese at all. Most of  the church family here believed for those first two months that I spoke no Portuguese at all. It is a somewhat embarrassing joke that gets brought up from time to time. Why I was so afraid to speak is beyond me, especially since now I probably could use less talking time. However, that first bit, was really difficult for me.

    We have all heard of culture shock. Some of you may have even experienced or witnessed someone experience it. I remember experiencing it at a young age when we moved to the field, and I remember it again when I moved back to the states. The initial shock of arriving to Brazil hit me exponentially harder than I ever expected on my most pessimistic day. To be quite honest with you, my first five weeks here, I don’t remember at all! I have some vague bits and pieces, and some things that I know must have happened, but my memory of the time, is wiped clean away.  I described it recently to another friend who moved to her mission field as a veil. It feels as though you are walking around with a heavy veiling over your face. It’s as though you cannot see anything clearly. I remember walking into a grocery store for the first time and not being able to ‘see’ what was on the shelves. I could read the words, but I could not get my brain to register what it was, and to make a shopping list? Yeah, right. It was like I was walking around in a daze, unable to see or think clearly. 

    I was so very mentally tired. The sheer exhaustion from processing 100% new surroundings and the fatigue from translating everything that was said to me at all times, was overwhelming. I woke up tired in the morning, I took naps in the afternoon, and I went to bed completely drained at 8 or 9 o’clock nearly every day for those first few months. It was difficult to get much done other than the bare minimum to survive. 

    And so it was, for several months, and it got better, and better and gradually faded into what I now call normal. What started out being indescribably difficult, has morphed into a beautiful life that I could not be more in love with! 

My difficulties in the language, the Lord has taken and given me peace in speaking to the level that I feel nearly as comfortable in Portuguese as I do in English. I have the opportunity to minister to people in Portuguese as well as in Brazilian Sign Language. I speak far more Portuguese in a week than English, and am so thankful for the opportunity to speak and for the grace given to be able to. 

    My cultural adaptation, while overwhelming at first, has 100% become my normal. Yes, there are things that will always be…different.. (Avocados should not be eaten sweet), but that sense of feeling lost is gone! God has moved my heart here and given me a home in the people here that I have missed for quite a long time. I am so thankful to have seen Him at work in my heart this year. 

So I write this short summary of hardships to thank you. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your emails, thank you for the notes written, thank you for the phone calls and texts, thank you for caring about me. God is doing a work here in Brazil and I am just a very small insignificant player in it, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to serve and the opportunity to just be here. God has been so good to me this year and I have watched Him take amazing care of me. Part of His taking care of me has been your faithfulness to pray. 

So, as I wrap up my first year, the first of many, I thank you, and I ask you not to stop praying. 

Thank you for keeping up with me! 

Beca + Goose